Control

It boils down to control.  Here is me, this morning, feeling in control:

3 days of honest to goodness tracking and I'm happy to say I'm back in the 50's.  59.7kg (131lbs) was the number staring back to me when I awoke this morning.  Still a wee way away from my happy place (56kg/123lbs) but it's a step in right direction.

Do you have a panic number?  For me, it's seeing the 6!  The minute the weight crept up to the 60kg it was all-stations-a-go-panic-alert-must-get-butt-into-gear.  There was just no more coasting on my laurels anymore!

Initially I inwardly groaned when I realised I'd be back to tracking my food, despite obviously knowing and believing in the process.  But 3 days into it and it has become normal again.  Becoming habitual.  Easy.  Why I stopped I don't know.  When you are in the crux of control, you truly wonder why you ever or how you ever lost it.  I don't actually know the answer.  All I know, is that when I am IN control, it helps in all areas.  My self doubt disappears.  I feel confident, even if I'm not where I want to be.  I am happier.  I make better choices.  I believe.  I know I'll get to where I want to be... and I stop the self loathing and look at things more objectively.

Instead of

"You fattie, you just like food too much, everyone else around you doesn't go up and down, you are doing terribly", 

it's 

"this is normal.  Many people fluctuate over summer and winter.  As long as you reign it in when you need to, you are doing well and living the reality of life and should be commended, don't be so harsh on yourself"....

So

I urge everyone to commit for just 3 days if their motivation is lacking.  Something switches and after 3 days of being honest and meeting the goal of tracking, motivation comes knocking loudly!

My lunch today:

 I'm a foodie.  I like flavor and have gotten to where I am without compromising on taste or wiping out entire food groups.  I make tweaks to foods I love to get a better calorie bang.

I've returned to swapping out bread for thin wife wafers.  It saves me about 180calories.  I still have a bit of mayo and bbq sauce.  Yum.  I also personally ADORE Blue Cheese.  Regular cheese is so high in calories and low on taste.  Blue cheese packs a punch, and is only 60cals for 1 cubic inch.  You don't need more than that!

I enjoyed every damn mouthful!  Doesn't that look yummy?

225calories total for both.

I've remembered the joy I got from putting together food like this.  Not sure why I backslid into not thinking about the combination of calories or tracking.  Musing on it, I'd say it's a mixture of lying to myself (maybe I wanted to eat some things and decided I'd rather not know), a bit of laziness, a bit of 'well I've blown the calories the last 4 nights what's tonight gonna matter" a bit of "I'm at someone else's house for dinner/party it would be rude not to"...  a bit of over confidence in my self and a belief that I'd be okay...  I do have a body that retains water/salt and gains weight at the drop of a hat, sometime that just downright sucks....

But, here's to control!  May it hang around for a wee while :D

I do like the feeling!

Hiatus over

That was short lived...

The 'cider is going on hiatus' plan...

Do you negotiate with yourself?

I do.  Obviously.  Cos that's me in the photo above, and that's most certainly a cider I'mma holding...

My thought process hit, oh, about 3pm.  In this above 28C weather we are constantly having.  On a Sunday afternoon with the kids splashing in the pool...  I thought to myself the following rationale :

"Just TRACK the cider!"

Ahhhhh.  Brilliant.

I don't need to give it up entirely.  Not on a weekend, on a sunny summers day, when the mood strikes to laze out on the mat and enjoy life.  It wasn't the cider that caused my 4kg I determined.  It was the NOT TRACKING that is the true culprit...  (that's how my brain works...)

And thus the negotiations occurred.

Do you negotiate with yourself?

I'm happy with this compromise.  Because there is something to be said about enjoying this life we are given, and these lazy summer Sunday afternoons are one of life's greatest pleasures, and won't be around for much longer.

  

So my new motis operandi is to calculate the calories of said cider into my daily tracker.

My hiatus lasted 24 hours :D

My wagon just pulled up....

Gee...  I don't blog for a while and then come back to see Blogger has made all sorts of COOL changes.  That'll teach me!

So, I reached a low weight of 56kg early December last year.  Very happy with this weight.  I feel and look good physically and mentally.  Clothing is a joy to put on.  Fun.  Confidence is high.  I obviously lost the urge to blog, because it seems, that I find blogging easier when I'm on the journey.  When I've arrived, I feel a bit boring.

Summer & Christmas rolled around.  In NZ it is HOT HOT HOT at Christmas time.  We then have our summer break and vacation times.  There is a lot of celebratory food.  A lot of cider and wine and chips and general stuffing-of-one's gob.  I partook.  I spent a lot of time on vacation doing this:

For the first time in 2 years, I took one whole week off exercise.  I was at a holiday park, and did not want to be the one trying to fit my runs in - especially as we were holidaying with my sister and her family.. and she's 7mths pregnant.  We couldn't even go on long walks together.

I came back and immediately returned to exercise.  I haven't faulted on that at all.  But I did stop tracking.  I got complacent.  I thought I'd maintained SO well for over a year I could relax.

And I'm now sitting on 60kg....  Whoops.

Lesson learnt...

I can't EVER relax that much.  Tracking is a life long commitment.

And now I gotta work on losing the 4kg gained.  

And so I'm back blogging.

No doubt with no one reading cos I'd have lost all my readers, but that's kinda okay with me.  I like writing my thoughts for me ultimately anyway!  But hello there if you are reading this and sorry for being the slack arsed non professional blogger I am ;D

In other news.  I had a moment.

With the scissors....

I decided that I'd had this long hair for 12years plus and it was time to commit to trying something new.

And now I'm sporting this:

and kinda wishing I had my long hair back.  But I'm not devestated.  It'll grow.  Another little life lesson there for me.

 NB:(see that in my hand in the pic above??? that liquid there... that's cider.  I'm sure it's to blame for my 4kg weight gain.  It's Evil.  But so good.  It's alcoholic.  And sooooo going to have to go on hiatus)

So I'm back again.  To temporarily have a place to document my food pictures while I hop on the lose-weight train again.  To moan.  To plan.  To document.  To celebrate the successes.  To put up pictures of the scale.  To do the things I know to do, but find so hard to do without the aide of this blog.  People who have always been naturally slender may find me odd.  But for someone that has been bigger, and has lost weight, the complex issue of being slender is pretty consuming and requires lots of thought/effort/strife/victories/failures and it's never.ending.  I'll always have to look at food and see a calorie value.  Weight I gain doesn't often just 'fall back off'...  Them the breaks.

 Anyone else out there also having to lose the holiday weight they've gained?  Join me!

xx ~H

Running out of Necessity

It was cold this morning.  Frosty cold.  Chilly.  Bitter.

Running was a necessity...  I had to figure out how to defrost.

I wore a long sleeved running top over my tank and usually I strip this off 1 k into the run.  Took me 5k before I did so.
My ears were numb.
Fingers were tucked inside my top.

And my pee was frozen.

Seriously, if I hadn't of ran, I would have to try and squeeze out ice blocks into the toilet.

Fabulous morning to run a 10k don't you think?  Now I can sit next to the fire and drink hot chocolate and wallow in my period pain.

xx

Bobby Pins. Seriously. Who knew?

I have never had a lesson on using a bobby pin.  Only a fool would need one.

Turns out,

I'm a fool!

It's WAVY side down people!!!

It acts like a corkscrew and grips the hair.  The flat side simply holds it in place.

When you do it this way, you need just one or two, not the 8 or 9 that usually follow...

I've extensively, extensively googled this.  Extensively.  Mere mortals like myself around the world are doing wavy side UP.  The professionals or people who are dealing with hair a lot, claim wavy side DOWN.  Those that convert are coming out in hordes proclaiming, that yes, wavy side down does work 100000 times better.

*hits head against wall*

Appendix for you doubters ;)
http://www.thesmallthingsblog.com/2011/12/so-what-is-deal-with-bobby-pins-anyway.html
http://www.squidoo.com/the-correct-way-to-wear-bobby-pins
http://advanceyourslides.com/2012/03/12/presentation-lessons-from-a-bobby-pin/
http://honeyandfitz.blogspot.co.nz/2011/10/bobby-pin-101.html#axzz1xZGARbgH
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzJQ88K2QQg  (here you learn that you don't even have to OPEN the bobby pin.  You slide it in wavy side down.  Flat side up.  Not even opening it prior.

BOBBY PIN 101 - We need it!

It has made me ask myself "Why did/do I put it in wavy side out?".  It's not like it's an attractive thing.  What good does the wavy thing offer outside the hair?  I don't actually know why I thought this was logical. Perhaps it's just how I saw it being done and I've copied....
Decorative bobbyy pins with beads etc all have the beading on the wavy side, so have they also just got this monumentally wrong!?  Why God Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy?

If only instructions were on the packet...

PS:  I'm soooo putting my bobby pins in wavy side down now so I can try it out... and I'll be walking around Wanganui stalking you and your bobby pin placement.

Fuschia

I was always a nude/gloss lip girl...

But I'm getting older.

(or braver?)

I am starting to like statement lipstick colors!  I used to feel funny about wearing obvious lipstick. A glossy tint was okay but a solid/matte lipstick... never.  Seemed... too noticeable.

And this fushcia one is definitely noticeable!

 But with every year I age, I find that the glossy nude lip doesn't do much for me.  I need color in my life! (Cheeks and lips!)

Do you like bold lipstick?  I have not worn this out yet.  Kindy and school pickups/drop offs just don't seem to be quite the right occasion!

Eats from a random day

I love food and as you know, pictures of food.

Here are my eats from yesterday.

Breakfast:
225 Cals (Oatmeal without almonds or banana, 1/4 cup extra milk)

Lunch:
Ham, Avocado, Mayo, Spinach, Feta & Beetroot Sandwich + Mandarin
Calories:
Bread 2 x White Sandwich: 120
Feta: 67 cals (cubic inch)
Beetroot: 15 cals (beets r 7 cals per whole beet avg)
Spinach: 2
Avocado (1/4): 63 cals
Mayo (1/2 Tablespoon): 50cals
Ham: 2 thin slices 25g = 41cals
TOTAL for Sandwich:   357
+
Mandarin (small) 37
=394 Calories

Dinner:
200g Salmon 400
3 Beets 22
Spinach Salad with Balsamic as a dressing 128 cals (and a squeeze of orange juice) (Spinach 1 cup 8 cal, 1/2 tomato 11 cal, 1/4 red onion 7 cal, feta 67 cal, orange 34 cal)
Total 548Calories

Extras:
2 Coffees made with skim milk no sugar 37 cals
1 Farmbake cookie 58 cals
120ml LOW Cal Wine: 61 cals
Total 156 cals

TOTAL CALORIES FOR THIS DAY:

1322

• Exercise for this day was a 10k run burning about 600cals

Seeing pictures of what other people eat help give you ideas to portion sizes they are consuming!  And that we are in fact eating!!! lol